Storahtelling

PREPENT5771 Day 6 8.15
DOUBTS

Day 6 was full of doubts: What am I doing here? Is this 40 days prepenting journey-blog another blah blah blurb attempting change and falling short or can this be a real possibility to walk the talk, to tangibly improve something, anything, in my good-but-could-be-better life?

How do I get motivated to actualize the changes I want to see in my life and not get stuck in same-old patterns and distractions?

How is this process not a waste of time?

An annoymous reader, with similar concernes, posted a question yesterday, reacting to my suggestion on day 3 of making a list with “ 3 things that I regularly or randomly do and regret? “

- “So I want to make this list, and yet I am filled with the almost futility of it. For years, when I cast my sins upon the waters, the same sins go in with the breadcrumbs: impatience, gossip, flaring. Each year I vow to try to do better, and each year the same sins are cast. How do I focus on changing for real? How do I not just make the list and see the same list before me?”

I share the doubts but am challenged to attempt an answer: Is it ever really the ‘same’ list? Are we ever really the same people, year in and out? The same ‘sins’ may be as persistent and perpetual as the air we breath, but it is not the same air as yesterday’s, and we are never the same, and neither are our actions or intentions: similar, but never the same. Is it possible that with each year’s true intention for change we slowly, slowly, get there? If we zoom in on this year’s list – even if so similar to last year’s– are we just a bit wiser about how to fix?

I want to believe that even though we are so used to speedy ‘before and after’ ad campaigns and TV makeovers we don’t forget about the slow mystery which is personal growth.

And I think ( I hope!) that the trick for tangible personal change is to get a foot in the door of our habitual patterns. To start with just one such pattern - one regular action, a vice or addiction, distraction or passion that feeds us –but ultimately – and only we know this deep inside – robs us of our ultimate happiness - of being healthier, body mind and soul – in the here and now.

I think the secret is in the details. And in ‘Less is More’. Keep short and honest check lists, zoom in and focus on just ONE change-worthy item from the many woes listed. Write down attainable, realistic goals for changed action and reaction. Imagine success.

My list this year, like years before, revolves around my body. “My” relationship to “my body” is one of the factors most responsible for my happiness and lack thereof.

Today, true to my list, I went out shopping for fresh vegetables, organic produce, healthy food to cook at home. I even remembered to take one of those cloth bags from the closet and reduce the use of supermarket bags.

I still have doubts about this process, but tonight I will eat the food I cooked, slowly and with intention. A foot in the door, a taste of better, one bite at a time. More to come.

For the next few days – focus on ONE ITEM from your list of things you want to change. What are three steps you can take to help the change happen?

Sign up for this daily email in your inbox - between now and Sept. 19:

Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting, www.higholidays.com.