PREPENT5771 Day 18 8.27 THE DEAL WITH DEBT

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus



One of the items that came up for me on the shame list was debt. Shame about letting fees pile up for not dealing with annoying debts. Just a stupid waste of money.

Nothing major: Parking tickets, a few bills, that promise to send someone a check for something worthy - different types of debts – unfinished business. I am glad to report that I am not – to the best of my knowledge – indebted to anyone, and as far as I know owe nobody any money. As of this morning.

It took 45 min. I went to the pile of papers in that first drawer of my desk, poured myself a tall glass of milk and went through the ‘to do bills’ pile, item by item: a few phone calls, emails, apologies, payments. Whatever could be handled at this time.

Done.

Pile refiled. Until next time.

Feels lighter.

Though I have to admit that there’s this nagging feeling that I’m forgetting someone, somewhere, something.. So I’m asking - in case you are reading this and are aware of my debt – a payment, a response to a request, an apology. PLEASE TELL ME!

And for those following this closely – this sums up the week of address book lists.

Not that we’re done with the housecleaning. More to come next week is we are getting closer to the Hi Ho’s central.

Emerson, my old friend (I’m reading him daily still and getting to know his irritated, irritable, funny, eye rolling side) has this to say – moving us gently from the address book, to the checkbook, to the book of life and greater kindness:

“Count from yourself in order the persons that have near relation to you up to ten or fifteen, and see if you can consider your whole relation to each without squirming. That will be something. Then, have you paid all your debts? Then, have you paid to the world as much kindness as you received from early benefactors? It were a sort of baseness to die in the world’s debt. Then, can you not, merely, for the very elegancy of the thing, do an unmixed kindness or two?”

Here’s to less squirming!

Shabbat shalom.

20 min. update: last night, at 10:30pm I went out running in Tompkins Sq. Park. Running is hard for me. I am out of breath faster than other activities and harsh memories from my days of endless running while serving in the IDF haunt my legs. But I ran a few times around the park and paused to walk a round in between. In all the years I’ve lived down here I’ve never ran in the park. Today’s goal is yet to be determined.


Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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PREPENT5771 Day 17 8.26 What a Shame

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus


I walk into an office today and the person sitting there working at the computer hurriedly pulls down shut the laptop screen and turns to me, flushed.

What was he ashamed of? What did he have on his screen?

Shame. Been there, done that, got it now.

What am I ashamed of? What shames do I carry around with me, – body, baggage, questionable behaviors, secret online sites?

Private List: 5 things I am ashamed of in life:

My list grew to 8 easy – current and ongoing patterns, old memories and i-guess-not-forgotten incidents. I’ll spare you the details. It’s private. I am somewhat ashamed of hanging out my dirty laundry – but I do plan to spend some time in the laundry room analyzing my list, learning from shame.

I am making an assumption here: that most of us, in some way, some more often than others, got laundry, deal with our own shame. The question is how do we deal with it?

Because if shame is connected to a feeling of being or doing something that for some reason we perceive as wrong – than you got to own it, feel it, be ashamed with it fully – in order to learn from it, shake it, move on, change.

Daniel Gordis wrote a strong article today about shame in Israel – and how the blame game lacks the dignity of shame even when it is due. “What about learning to live with shame that is almost unbearable? Isn’t it precisely by becoming harrowingly aware of our faults and misdeeds that we become better people?” He takes this process of shame to the collective level of denial – and necessity. http://www.jpost.com/Home/Article.aspx?id=186053

Shame list, wish list blacklist – this prepenting stuff is intense. Take a deep breath. It’s almost Sabbath.

20 min. update: it’s 9pm and hasn’t happened yet. Running next, or home aerobics.)


Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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PREPENT5771 Day 16 8.25

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus



Make Time For Quality Time

The ‘let’s do lunch’ cliché is well worn and familiar, even when it sometimes does manifest. What would it take to really plan ahead and plan carefully in the year ahead for quality time with the ones we love and don’t get to see as often as we’d like?

We’re 16 days into the 40-day count – and 14 days away from the start of this New Year. Time to plant the seeds.

Yesterday was about the first wish list – 1-10 people

you love in your life and wish to spend more time with this coming year. I got a lot of great feedback from people who loved this task and made the lists.

The next step is to think of what to do with this list, how to prioritize the names on it, and start activating this quality time plan. For me, it means booking a flight to Israel, arranging for a weekly phone call, and carving out time way in advance, away from endless work, for the playground.

To make sure I do it, as part of my self-reflection and perfection of being journey to this new year – I am giving myself the deadline of Rosh Hashanah – reach out to the people on my list, tell them that I love them, and why, and make plans. Period. (Time is such a precious commodity. Using this Jewish time-calendar grid/system in order to make better usage of one’s time is one of the reasons I so love this spiritual technology known as the High Holidays process. It works.)

(20 min. daily bodywork report: rowing machine, sit-ups, weights.)


Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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PREPENT5771 Day 15 8.24

Love the one you’re with



High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus



Day 15, third week of journey to focus.

Make a wish list: ten people you love in your life and wish to spend more time with this coming year:

1 – 10

Is it just me, or is this list not as simple as it seems?

(if you’ve been following along, or not - this is still the ‘go through your address book’ week, now moving from blacklists to wishlists. A-Z. an exercise in wishful thinking. Part one.)

20 min. report, home excerices,weights. barely.


Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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PREPENT5771: Day 14 8.23 Blind Spots

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus

There’s this ritual I love – at the end of a haircut a hand mirror is held up so I can see the back of my head, my blind spot. This evening, at Raphael’s Barber Shop on First Ave., as he held up the mirror I thought: who holds up a mirror to my inner blind spot, all that stuff I’ve put ‘in the back of my mind’?

Good therapists do that, I guess, really good friends, sometimes maybe even good hairdressers. Random strangers.

Two weeks ago, when this journey began, I wrote about this self-reflection process as a long, close look in the mirror. Preferably full length. Today another perspective is added to the analysis of self – the rear view: ‘Oh, so that’s what I look like from the back? That’s how, how I am right now? Do I like me as is – or do I ask Raphael for adjustment, go for continual perfection of self?

Blind spots – haircut as metaphor for intentional change, and the blind spots are emotions, thought patterns, behaviors that we each have and often overlook, can’t or won’t see. Some of these blind spots been there a long time and some are new, and there something to be learned there about who and who I am. One needs the other to hold up the mirror. What if we can be each other’s back mirror holders, taking turns for each other in full introspection of identity. What if Yom Kippur becomes a human house of mirrors? Intentional human mirrors front and back, all going through the process of perfection.

Who are some of my back mirror holders on my list of friends? And if none, or not who could be? Who can be there to help me with my blind spots when I need to?

(For those of you who asked for direct and simple daily exercises, how about: spend 3 minutes in front of a mirror, holding hand held mirror, by your self, looking at the back of your head. While looking, think of at least 3 different people who you would like to do this for you on a regular basis – who will hold up a mirror to your blind spots?)

I feel the need, I guess, to move from focus on the blacklist – to more on the wish list. FYI, Israeli style, my address book is skimmed and 3 emails sent to 3 on my list, 3 long silences of various friendships gone sour. Check. We may go back to the blacklist later on the journey but for now I’m switching gears to focus on the wish list of people I love in my life, and want to spend more time with. Starting tomorrow. 20 min. report. Sunday was lame with 10 min. of biking when pouring rain interrupted. Today 20 min. bike and 20 min. weights to even up. E. is running daily, even in the rain. C. in Israel is working on it.


Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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PREPENT5771: Day 13 8.22 Swiss or Israeli? (Blacklist con'd)

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus

“But the work of self-improvement, - always under our nose, nearer than the nearest, is seldom engaged in…a few, few hours in the longest life.” (Emerson)

I started going through my address book today. Books really –outlook, facebook, skype, company directory, family tree, googlegroups. Some are personal and some professional and many overlap. It’s a lot of people. And it’s a bit much. Perhaps when our ancestors came up with the suggested methods for preparing for the new year and included ‘make peace with your neighbors’ they didn’t think that one could have so many people in multiple networks. I gave it 60 minutes today and got through B. This is a time consuming and emotional activity, no doubt. But I liked it – flagged some, wrote quick notes to others, deleted some, added some, remembered who’s in my life and why. It’s a counting of blessings. But it is super time consuming.

So: Option 1: I COULD commit to doing this thoroughly, the comprehensive method, Swiss style, walk the talk, and take a diligent hour a day for this clean up work - making my way through the alphabet of my people by Yom Kippur.

Or, Option 2: I can take the more intuitive and easy route and take some time today and tomorrow to let my memory retrieve the few most urgent, important names of people I need to reach out to make amends, and settle for that. Israeli style.

Either way, this is, I think, the task of these days, to do the work of self-improvement. Start right under our nose. And tomorrow I’ll decide what to do.

Suggestions, dear reader? Swiss or Israeli? Other options??

Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.

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PREPENT5771 Day 12 8.21 BLACK LIST AND LOTUS RISING

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus

BLACK LIST + LOTUS

O. led a yoga class this morning and talked about the lotus, rising serene out of the mud of the swamp. It's the same with this process of self awareness, perfection, change - we got to go through the dirty laundry, our black lists, our shame - to clean up.

I spent shabbat upstate, off the grid, unplugged, doing yoga, resting - and thinking about my black list of people with whom I have unfinished business - and talking about it with my friends. O., when asked to make her list of 3-5 people on her list right away listed a woman who wronged her in 1976 - pretty detailed and bad blood. C. listed, without blinking 3 business relationships gone sour. My own list provided people who in one way or another promised me things and than vanished away.
Well, we made the list (big step!) - now what???

The lists, we agreed, are not even. Need to sort em out. In some cases there are amends to be made, apologies requested or offered. In some cases the deed was done, a truce of sorts was made, and still a nagging tension lingers. What IS unfinished business? what if they are dead?
Case by case. And we all agreed that this is a slow process - that it takes time to dare delve into the deep recess of what we prefer not to think about.
The goal is to be lighter, focused, less weighted down with grudges and angers. Like a lotus - this takes time and effort.
So how do we address our black listed?
with intention and patience: One at at time.
I am going to send an email that has indeed been in my draft folder for over two years to # 1 on my list. I dont' expect great friendship to re-emerge. But I want to let him know exactly how and why he hurt me, and that I don't want to be in the position again of bumping into him at some social event and smile fake and awkward. Just clear the waters, empty my draft inbox.
Number two on the list is, the more I think about, not that important. Yes, she ought to apologize, but time makes it all look silly.
and actually, that's sort of the same with the rest of my list. so far.
Tomorrow, back home, I will start with the A-Z address book search. Who gets deleted? who gets a note? where is there a tinge of 'ouch - we gotta talk?'
I'll give it a full week.
And there is of course, another big question as we go through the books of life our lives - who's BLACK LIST AM IN ON?? do i even know? suspect? guess but not dare admit it? As I go through my list - and you through yours - that's the harder one to ask - and the one where real work may be also pending.
On the 20 min. daily workout news - YES! swimming yesterday Yoga today. E. emailed to report that, despite how much she hates it, she went running both days!

Lotus flowers, emerging upwards. 28 days to go.


Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.
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PREPENT5771 Day 11 8.20

High Holy Days Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie: 40 ways in 40 days to find your focus

CONSIDER AN APOLOGY

40 ways in 40 days to find your focus: High Holidays Virtual Journey with Amichai Lau-Lavie:

I used to pride myself on having no enemies, nobody on my merde-list. Sadly, that is no longer the case. I have no big enemies (that I know of!), no big fights, but there is some tension and distances where once was warmth and friendship, due to discord over this or that, ideological differences, money, love. The usual. Some cases I've been wrong. But where am I to blame? who should I apologize for? or request an apology or explanation from?

If I were to die on Yom Kippur, just 29 days away, what’s the unfinished business I want to deal with? Making peace with others, when possible, is one such item. Forget the ‘religious deadline manipulation’ - how much happier, lighter, can this make me? What’s the weight lost when old fights and grudges are dealt with? Ten days into the 40 days journey is time to step away from the deep looking in the mirror and look around. Sure, there’s plenty I need to improve in my own life – my body, mind, money matters, home and garden – in order to feel better, happier and more balanced, but what about my relationships? Where is the unfinished business in my ‘people’ file?

The Jewish tradition teaches that no Divine forgiveness is possible if one had not resolved the pending issues of strife, in some way, with the person/s involved. The dirty laundry has to be dealt with. It’s a dirty job but somebody has to do it – and nobody else can or will do it for me.

So, deep breath, it’s time for the address book. This exercise, starting today, is going to be the focus for the next few days. A-Z, family, friends and colleagues or co-workers – where should amends be made? Who gets a Happy Jew Year card with “Love” signature and who gets a ‘can we talk?’ note? What am I capable of dealing with? Any emails in your draft inbox that have sat there too long, waiting for the perfect pitch and courage to be sent? Or maybe it’s a phone call, or a visit. Today, day 11, I want to start small – and spend Shabbat thinking about this more.

Before going to the address book – make a list of 5 people with whom some check in is required. The first 5 that come up – off the top of my head. Just five. That’s all for today.

Emerson writes about this perfectly: “Count from yourself in order the persons that have near relation to you up to ten or fifteen, and see if you can consider your whole relation to each without squirming. That will be something. “ Shabbat Shalom

PS. I did my 20 min. workout last night at 1am, when the day’s work was done. I called C. to report, and E. responded also – took on the 20 minutes daily commitment and emailed me this morning to report her first jog since age 3. Human chain of commitment: It helps. Join?

Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as we move forward and, as always, you may find more information about our High Holy Day services by visiting,www.higholidays.com.

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STORAHTELLING - NOW IN RUSSIAN!


Storahtelling is proud to announce a new project serving unaffiliated young families of the Russian Speaking Jewish Community of New York.

The project, in partnership with the JCCA, the 14th St. Y, the Kings Bay Y, the Marks JCH and the JCC Manhattan, with funding from the Center without Walls of COJECO (Council of Jewish Emigre Community Organizations) will include a series of performances and educational programs for young families in community centers in Brooklyn and Manhattan, starting in November 2010.

StorahSteps is Storahtelling’s new early childhood education initiative, created in partnership with the JCCA and the Early Childhood Department of the 14th Street Y in lower Manhattan. The project presents an innovative model for engaging young Jewish families with the core narratives, rituals and values of the Jewish heritage in accessible and meaningful ways. This exciting new program is aimed at 3-6 year olds, their caregivers and families. StorahSteps uses Storahtelling’s successful Maven Method™ of integrating Jewish learning with the performing arts and adapts it to age-appropriate educational frameworks of early childhood programming.

More details on StorahSteps click here.

Stay tuned for full calender of StorahSteps programs in 5771.

For information on StorahSteps contact Sam Hirsch sam@storahtelling.org


Center Without Walls for the 2010-2011 year. This funding opportunity is meant to support organizations that are looking to create innovative programming for the Russian-speaking Jewish community.

(COJECO) is a central coordinating body in the Russian Jewish community of NY that was formed in 2001 to facilitate the successful integration process of Russian Speaking Jews into the mainstream Jewish community and the greater American society.

Storahtelling’s Program for Young Families in the Russian-Speaking Jewish Community of New York City

More Mavens, More Storahtelling Nationwide!
Highlights from the 2010 Maven Training Seminar


On August 12, 2010, 18 rabbis, cantors, Jewish educators, completed Storahtelling’s 2010 Maven Training Seminar. While Storahtelling convened the training at Temple Emanuel in Denver, Colorado, new Mavens-in-Making traveled from San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, Boulder, Durango, and Austin to join the local Colorado talent. Carefully selected for their charisma and teaching skills , these local leaders came together to become masters in one of the world’s oldest professions: The Maven. While immersed in the intensive studies they also created a vibrant community, meeting across the spectrum of geography, political belief, religious observance, gender identity and sexual orientation.

Now in its 4th year, Storahtelling’s Maven Training Seminar prepares clergy and educators to implement its signature pedagogy – The Maven Method™. A decade in the making, this innovative method integrates Judaism’s oldest teaching tools with contemporary stagecraft and interactive educational skills, informing and transforming the ways modern Jews relate to their cultural legacy, ritual celebrations and spiritual heritage.

The 18 new Mavens-in-the-making join over 100 Storahtelling Mavens already using the method regularly in sanctuaries, classrooms, campgrounds and theater stages worldwide. The class of 2010 is already brimming with ideas for implementing the method in their communities:

• Rabbi Mitch Delcau is planning to integrate Storahtelling into regular services and Bar Mitzvah trainings at Denver’s Temple Emanuel.
  
  
• Rabbi Laurie Phillips is working on a High Holidays family friendly Maven program at Congregation Ha’Bonim in Manhattan, while 20 blocks away, at Congregation B’nai Jeshurun, Emily Walsh is preparing this year’s Bar Mitzvah class to include the maven Methods.
  
  
• Charna Rosenholtz, a "CHIDUSH" award-winning Jewish educator, will integrate the Maven method into her work with youth and families at Congregation Nevei Kodesh and Congregation Bonai Shalom.
  

Maven events are planned this fall in synagogues from Montana to Sonoma. Tracey Wilkinson, One of the new Mavens, and the first Non Jewish clergy member to join our training seminar, will even bring the Maven to the Jefferson Unitarian Church in Golden, Colorado.

Caryn Aviv, Maven class of 2008 and director of the 'Mile High Mavens' - Storahtelling Colorado Cohort had this to say about this training seminar:
“It was challenging, invigorating, and transformative. After seeing this experience in action, I am utterly convinced that training more Mavens to offer Storahtelling in their own home communities worldwide will give more people access to what Judaism is really about. This work is crucial if we want to increase people’s sense of identity, improve their Torah literacy and solidify connections to meaningful Jewish life."

Storahtelling kicks off 5771 with new Mavens and renewed commitment to making stories and rituals matter more to more people, all over the world.

Storahtelling is able to provide this service to the community through the trust and support of The Rose Community Foundation, the 18 Pomegranates Foundation, The Natan Fund, and many more.

Want to be a Maven? Email Storahtelling at office@storahtelling.org

check out the New Mavens here